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Dreadful Nonsense

"I've read your blog. it's really funny. you should write a column." - Jon Ronson

Of course, the plane didn't crash

04 April 2008
In fact, I found it a lot easier travelling on my own than when I'm travelling with anyone else. I actually find it incredibly stressful travelling with He Who Only..., and last night I worked out why: I'm an idiot. A crazy, irrational, possibly borderline-actual-insane idiot. Last night on the plane, I walked around, I lay down (the flight was pretty empty and I had all three seats to myself), I looked out the window (London at night is AMAZING during take off. I never knew that. Why has no one ever told me that?). I read my book. I listened to my iPod. I went to the toilet. I didn't cry. I kind of (but not really) almost (but actually really not) enjoyed (but I didn't) the flight.

It was a pretty positive experience for all of us. So now I'm left in a quandary. If we're ever going anywhere ever again, do I need to book us both onto separate flights from now, just so that I don't drive myself, He Who Only... and everyone else in the known universe insane with the crying and the rocking and the impending doom? Or was this just a fluke, a once-off, something that may not be repeated on the flight back? The test will be the flight back on Sunday afternoon. After that there are some tough decisions to be made, like making He Who Only... travel ahead of me, like some kind of advance party.

Actually, that'd be pretty cool. Cos then wherever I go, there would always be someone there at the airport, waiting for me. I'd be like the Queen, or Madonna, or the Pope or someone. I'd make him hold up a sign and everything. Cool.

[In the interests of full disclosure, I took a full 4mg of valium before the flight last night, which is exactly 2 more mgs of valium than I usually take. That might have had a lot to do with it.]

Flights

03 April 2008
I'm flying today. On my own. It's very frightening for me, and for all the other passengers, when I start screaming and pulling my own hair out and crying and throwing up and praying and rocking.

And that'll just be at the check-in desk.

Ha. That's not even funny. And I've already checked in on-line. Get with the 21st century, daddio.

Anyway. He Who Only... said I needed to put my flight details on line, cos that way the plane won't crash. He also confessed to me this morning that, when he flies, he has one piece of superstitious crazy behaviour which means that on the day that he is flying, he has to act all good and proper and kindly to his fellow man so that if the plane does actually crash and God does a quick background check, he can at least on that one day be mistaken for a Christian and let into heaven.

This morning, I deliberately hit three school children on the shins with my bag as I was getting off the tube, because they were all too young and thin and full of hope.

Anyway. Flight details below. Posts next week about how cute my nephew is to follow.


ITINERARY:
=====================================
AER LINGUS EI 183 Z/ECONOMY CLASS CONFIRMED
DEP LONDON/HEATHROW THU 3APR08 9.10PM
LHR -TERMINAL 1 - TERMINAL 1
ARR DUBLIN THU 3APR08 10.20PM

AER LINGUS EI 168 Z/ECONOMY CLASS CONFIRMED
DEP DUBLIN SUN 6APR08 2.40PM
ARR LONDON/HEATHROW SUN 6APR08 3.55PM
LHR -TERMINAL 1 - TERMINAL 1
=====================================