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Dreadful Nonsense

"I've read your blog. it's really funny. you should write a column." - Jon Ronson


Today, thankfully, there were no more tree-based disappointments. Waking up with this morning's hangover, we braved the wind and rain lashing North London and took the five minute stroll up the road to where, once more, we expected a large choice of trees - and the Best Christmas Tree You've Ever Had! if the poster was to be believed. Any tree would be an improvement on yesterday. And trees there were!

Loads of trees! We considered about three trees before deciding definitely on the fourth. Oh yes, we said to each other, this one's all fat at the bottom and has lots of layers, and hmm, yes, we nodded at each other, this one's also all even around the base and goes up in a pleasingly even manner and, mmm, absolutely, we wisely agreed with each other like the tree experts we definitely are, this is the one for us. This one. This massive six foot tree right here.

It was only the nice little Scottish man said that we'd have to pay £38 for the monstrosity that we'd chosen that we saw the error of our ways. For a start, it was far too tall to fit into our flat, and also it was far too big and fat the fit into the space we have in our flat for trees, but most importantly, that is far too much to pay for some dead wood.

So instead we got this beauty, and I think you'll agree we chose very wisely:

We also, because we're so very, very cheap, decided to fashion our own stand using a washing up bowl and some bricks stolen from the building site next door. It's worked out very well. This is He Who Only..., beginning the first of the many hundreds of thousands of "tweaks" he will apply to the tree to try and get it straight throughout the month of December and, hell why not, way into January as well:

And then I got to work.

I love me some sparkles. My entire house would look like it was decorated for Christmas all the year round, if I didn't think that it would take the specialness out of this one month. But I'd quite like to be like the shops, and start putting up decorations in October, rather than having to wait until December. (That one unexpected extra day without decorations yesterday? That nearly broke my heart. I spent some time with a suicidal lady last night and all I could think was "Huh. You think you've got problems? I DIDN'T GET A TREE TODAY. Yeah, that's right. I know suffering.")

BUT ANYWAYS. Here's the tree by the time I'd finished jumping around like a six year old on crack:

This photo simply doesn't do it justice. It looks so great, I cry a little bit with joy every time I look at it. And it smells delicious. And every single bit of it twinkles a little every time a bus goes round the corner outside and the building shakes. I can't wait until the road works start outside tomorrow at 7am. I'll be in the front room with the curtains closed and the lights off, just watching the magic of Christmas and wishing I had some puppies to cuddle and share the joy with.

As always, Mr Tony Bear is taking pride of place as Our Christmas Bear. He loves the attention.

He's not quite the traditional fairy at the top of the tree, granted, but let's just say that Mr Tony Bear is a Confirmed Bachelor, has a lot of close male friends and prefers the single life. If you know what I mean.


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