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Dreadful Nonsense

"I've read your blog. it's really funny. you should write a column." - Jon Ronson

Fringe Schminge

You will have gathered from the post below, and from the fact that I'm still in London and will remain so for the majority of this month that I am, once again and for the third year in a row, missing out on the Edinburgh Festival. This pleases me and pains me in very rapid succession.

I really wish I was there, because I adore the madness and exhaustion of it all - getting up at 1pm every day; eating only one meal a day (and that's usually chips); drinking beer with lemonade tops because "it keeps up your blood sugar" and "it's less alcoholic that way"; going to bed at 8am with earplugs, eye masks and random comedians; writing reviews at 5 in the morning and being completely unable to (a) remember the show you're reviewing and (b) spell; having conversations with people that you absolutely adore who are off of the telly or the cinema and who you would usually not have a hope in hell of meeting, let alone sharing a cup of tea with at 4.30am.

I'm really glad I'm not there because I'm now 30 and far too old for all that shit - feeling nauseous, properly nauseous, not just "a little bit sickly" for at least half of the day, every day, for a month; having an almost constant headache and not being able to be outdoors in daylight, like some kind of vampire; loosing all sense of the outside world and forgetting what it's like to form an opinion about something without referring to stars; becoming obsessed to the point of actual furious anger if someone else's opinion on something does not correlate with yours; pissing off everyone you know who is not in Edinburgh and who is not attending the Festival by ignoring them for a month; losing all of your money; losing your job.

The Fabulous Chris Neil (I believe that's his official title) has also blogged about this very topic today, and I'll leave you to go and read his much more eloquent words on the topic. You'll also note he's taking part in the same Not The Edinburgh Festival Fringe But The Camden Fringe Instead, Which Is Much Better, Actually as m'boyfriend. That is just a coincidence.


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