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Dreadful Nonsense

"I've read your blog. it's really funny. you should write a column." - Jon Ronson

I win

As, I'm assuming, a direct result of this post from last week, the idiots at Mars have taken back their decision to use bits of sheep to make their chocolate more tasty and will instead be joining the righteous in heaven when the day of judgment inevitably comes.

I'm pretty happy about this. Not only does it mean I can continue to walk around the moral high ground looking down at all the meat-chomping idiots shamefacedly stumbling about below, sucking on chicken knuckles, but it also means that I won't, as I had assumed I probably would, have to start eating chocolate bars in the same way that I occasionally used to smoke cigarettes - standing down dark alleyways, getting it over with as quickly as possible, eating mints all the way to get the smell off my breath and burying the wrappings in graveyards at midnight to take the curse away.

Which reminds me. Another thing I really loved about Germany was how much they had embraced the joy of smoking and weren't afraid to tell the world. Not for them to smoking ban in the work place. Not for them separation of the smoker and the non-smoker. Not for them thoughts of health or long life or even just cutting down on the hacking coughs. No. They celebrate all of the joys of smoking, in adverts such as this one which can be found everywhere you look:

Look at the three of them! They're probably at some kind of sex party, and they've come out on to the fire escape for a quick five minute breather before they go back inside for some horribly sordid, probably quite messy group sex involving implements and kitchen utensils.

I loved this poster, and actually developed a minor dance-for-joy every time I saw it. Which was quite often. Brilliant.

UPDATE: I've just checked the Mars website and noticed, along with their franky creepy and kind of Tony Blair-esq hand-wringing apology, that not all of their products are going to be vegetarian friendly from now on. DAMN THEIR EYES. In fact, only "Mars bars, Snickers bars, Galaxy and Maltesers" won't contain those bits of sheep. All the rest will continue to be the product of terrible sheep murder, probably carried out by people who, at the weekends, taunt the homeless.

Again, you total pack of bastards.


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