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Dreadful Nonsense

"I've read your blog. it's really funny. you should write a column." - Jon Ronson

I went to Dublin over the weekend for a short visit that was prompted for absolutely no reason, other than the fact that I had no reason for being there.

My justification, such as it is, came from the fact that every time I've gone back to Dublin for a visit since moving to London, it has been for a Reason - a birthday party, a religious celebration, a wedding etc. This time round, there was nothing for me to do when I went home, which freed me up to do absolutely anything I liked.

And so what I did was basically everything. I visited my Granny, and utterly envied the fact that she can spend all day sitting in the back room of her house, basking in the sunlight streaming in through the windows and looking out across her garden, literally watching the flowers grow. She is 89, and she bloody well deserves the rest, and I'm very much looking forward to being able to do the same at her age.

I visited Mrs Bishop, had long and serious discussions about what boys like to do in bed, and whether particular things are normal (yes) or common (relatively) or acceptable (sometimes) or expected (possibly on his birthday). We drank a bottle of someone else's wine and pretty much put the whole world to rights from 11pm to 5am.

I went dancing in Whelans, on a Friday instead of our usual Saturday night, and was absolutely astonished by the sheer tiny size and small age of the other patrons there. I was even chatted up by a tiny man who was no more than 20 years old and who I could have almost legitimately have charged his parents for babysitting money just for the time I spent talking to him. Everyone in Whelans seemed to be about 10 years younger than me, all pierced and tattooed and scruffy and trendy and just too much obviously The Next Generation for my comfort. Sure, I still knew all of the music, and darn it all I'm still attractive and hip and happening and down wiv the yoof but blimey charlie, I was pleased to be leaving at 2am and very sensibly got a taxi home instead of waiting for the NiteLink (and had a long discussion with the taxi driver about the problems of inadvertently picking up gay men).

I had dinner with my friends, at which my 10-year-old god daughter tried to teach me how to play chess, but failed to mention any of the important rules until she could use them against me, and so she kicked my ass (but I'm going to try to improve my game before my return visit).

I went up and down and up and down and up and down again on the green track of the Luas.

I bought some things in A-Wear, my favourite shop in the whole world now, as it is Officially the One Place in which I am without exception that Small Size in all clothing, and one full clothing size smaller in skirts, trousers and jeans than any other shop. Love it.

Most importantly, I spent some quality time with Bobs.

who spent most of his time giving me this look, as he's no longer entirely sure who I am.


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