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Dreadful Nonsense

"I've read your blog. it's really funny. you should write a column." - Jon Ronson

I bought a new camera yesterday, because the one that I used to have is now haunted by the spirit of what I can only assume to be some kind of mass serial killer of nuns, virgins and children. I can sense something very evil around the way that the camera refuses to take photographs in focus anymore, will not acknowledge a fresh pair of batteries and even shuts itself down after displaying some weird white-snow images on the viewer screen. I thought maybe dousing it in holy water would have help. Apparently even the full submersion and baptism ceremony didn’t make any difference. So the camera was thrown out in the bin last week (with, fact fans, the two copulating sea shells) and yesterday I bought a new one.

The one that I bought yesterday was cheaper than the last, but with more Mega Pixels (what make the pictures look more real) and also slightly smaller, which in this day and age apparently means it’s better. I assumed that since I bought my last camera over a year ago, as prices have gone down since and the technology has moved on, this one would be of equal or perhaps even better quality than the last.

Therefore I had a total freak out and hissy fit when it refused to take photographs in the near-dark. Despite pressing the button I assumed to be the one that would change the settings that would make the flash work for about 30 seconds, it was still not working, was obviously broken, I had been sold a fake and actually it’s probably that possession thing again. After muttering about darkness, evil spirits and even the devil himself for about five minutes, I decided that the new spirit which had taken hold of this unwise purchase must also be cast out and headed into the bathroom to get a bucket and my rosary beads, all the better to whip up a fresh batch of holy H2O.

Thankfully, He Who Only… had a better idea of what was going on, briefly scanned the instructions, flicked a switch and made it flash.

We have decided that from now on in the Nest’O’Love, I am in charge of cleaning and tidying, and He Who Only… is in charge of pretty much everything else.


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