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Dreadful Nonsense

"I've read your blog. it's really funny. you should write a column." - Jon Ronson

A fun thing to do while in Brighton is to walk along the pier that's still standing and gaze at all of the appalling things that are available to win. I was particularly fixated by these luminous dragons, and had to be dragged away by He Who Only... when I inevitably started climbing over the counter to get closer to them, as I felt that they were actually calling out to me to be held.

I love the way that you would actually consider handing over £2 to someone on the off-chance that you might be rewarded with one of these monstrosities once you had undertaken whatever piss poor challenge they had laid on at the stall (on this one, it was throwing darts at a dart board that's placed suspiciously high). You would never in any other situation consider actually buying one of these for £2, let alone risking £2 and chancing that you might not even get one after everything you've gone through. But the pier has a way of making you wish you had one, and you're willing to do almost anything (like throwing darts at a dart board that's placed suspiciously high) to get it.

This stall was my favourite. Fake Bob The Builders and Fake Chefs From South Park. These aren't even up to date or fashionable toys, and yet I still wanted to walk off the pier (and back onto the street, I add, not just off the end of the pier into the scary sea that's probably filled with copulating sea shells) clutching one of these in my hot little hands.

I didn't try to win anything on the pier, simply because I felt that the disappointment would be too much to take.


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