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Dreadful Nonsense

"I've read your blog. it's really funny. you should write a column." - Jon Ronson

I was in the queue to buy a loaf of bread from the bakers. In front of me, a family group of four: Mum, Dad, son and daughter. Mum and Dad looked like they may be suffering the excesses of the previous night.

Dad: ...so you have to choose one thing.

Daughter: (constantly through the discussion) Cake! I’m having cake!

Son: I don’t know...

Dad: But you’ve been saying sausage roll the whole way here.

Son: But now I don’t know.

Daughter: (happily) Cake! Cake! Cake!

Son: I might have cake...

Dad: But you don’t want cake. You want a sausage roll.

Mum: Let him have what he wants.

Son: Can I have both?

Dad: No! Only one thing.

Son: (looking around as if for help from a third party) ...I don’t know!

Daughter: Cake! Cake! Cake!

Son: (about to start crying) I don’t know!

Dad: But you said last night you wanted sausage rolls!

Son: (beginning to cry) I don’t know...

I nearly bought him the cake myself.


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