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Dreadful Nonsense

"I've read your blog. it's really funny. you should write a column." - Jon Ronson

OH. MY. GOD.



Mail to: customersupport@iwantoneofthose.com

Dear Sirs,

Customer No.: XXXXXX


Thank you for sending me this voucher, which I received as a result of my previous order (order number XXXXX) being lost, and having to contact your customer services team over five times in order to get the order sorted and delivered correctly. Even when I received the order, some items were missing (although I was not charged for these), and one of the items was faulty (the small bag which contained the seeds for growing strawberries - item code GARSTR - had burst, and left soil and dust all over the other items), but I have not chosen to complain about that until now, due to the fact that I was in constant contact with you for over a week, and did not want to increase my phone bill any further.

However, when I attempted to spend this voucher, I stumbled across another problem.

I would like to purchase the travel speakers, code MINTRA. The price of these speakers (£14.95), plus normal postage and packaging (£3.95), comes to £18.90.

I have been told by your telephone advisor that I need to spend over £20 in order for this voucher to be redeemed. I am dumbfounded by this. The information below does not imply that I need to spend more than the voucher in order to redeem it - in fact it implies just the opposite of that, with the sentence "We regret that we cannot give cash or credit for a partially redeemed Gift Voucher. So if you've got it, spend it." To clarify, I only want to partially redeem this voucher.

I do not want to spend any more money with your service. I merely want to spend the voucher that you have provided as an apology for the poor service I have already received.

Could you please therefore contact me as soon as possible to let me know how I can spend the voucher detailed below without having to part with any more money.

Thanks.


I think I'm going to cry.

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