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Dreadful Nonsense

"I've read your blog. it's really funny. you should write a column." - Jon Ronson

"No Smoking!" he grins at me.

I'm sitting in the front of a taxi, heading towards Hommerton Hospital at an ungodly hour in the morning. The taxi driver, having not said anything for the first three minutes, has suddenly turned around to me and shouted. He does it again, this time pointing proudly at his chest.

"No smoking!"

"You don't smoke?" I ask, trying to work out what's going on.

"No, no smoking. You smoke?"

"No," I reply, wondering where this is going. "I used to smoke. But I stopped."

"Me?" he said, pointing around him as if pointing out all of the windows available in the car. "I never."

"Good for you", I murmur, looking straight ahead.

There's a slight pause.

"My Wife!" he suddenly bellows again. He points this time at the air freshener and then down at his feet in delight. "She never!"

"Excellent!" I agree.

"My three children?"

He looks at me, as if waiting for an answer to his question.

I decide to wait to see what he says next.

"No smoking!"

I want to give him a round of applause.

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