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Dreadful Nonsense

"I've read your blog. it's really funny. you should write a column." - Jon Ronson

On Sunday, we unexpected found ourselves with hours and hours to waste, since our original plans for Sunday had only recently fallen through. We had nothing to eat in the house, so it was decided that the best idea all round, since we were too tired to schlep around the supermarket, would be to go to the pub for a Sunday roast.

Since we had also neglected to eat anything more than a twix all day, I decided the best idea, while waiting for my nut roast with all the trimmings, would be to leisurely sip on a calming pint of Guinness. By the time the food arrived, it was all gone, and so to help wash down the glorious meal (which was truly glorious - we barely spoke to each other while there was still food on our plates), we thought the best thing to do would be to go around the corner to the lovely pub that we love in order to have another leisurely pint.

"I’m not going to drink too much today," I declared, taking off my coat and settling in while He Who Only… ordered at the bar.

"Of course not," he said, returning with two lovely pints, "neither am I."

"Will we have one more?" I said, not fifteen minutes later, as our two lovely pints came to their inevitable conclusion.

"One more," he agreed, "just one more. I’m not going to drink too much."

"Neither am I," I established, ordering at the bar.

Those two pints also came and went.

"Well… what do you want to do now?" he asked me half an hour later. "Shall we go home, or shall we just have one more?"

I checked my watch.

"Why don’t we have one more, and then call it a day?" I said, "It’s still light outside after all."

"Good idea," he said, heading to the bar, "One more. I’m not going to drink too much."

"GET SOME CRISPS!" I screamed as he stood at the bar, still close enough to hear me whisper.


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