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Dreadful Nonsense

"I've read your blog. it's really funny. you should write a column." - Jon Ronson

"What I'm saying to you," he said, flicking through my CV with a dismissive gesture and looking across the desk at me as if he was about the reveal the secret of Fatima, "is that you are unemployable."

"Mmm," I said, renewing my fixed grin which had slipped slightly, and nodded.

"What you need to do," he continued, picking at his teeth while banging a pen hard against the side of the desk, "and I'm saying this for your own good, is take the first job that comes along and stay there."

"Right," I agreed, still grinning, but choosing at that moment to execute an uncomfortable shuffle which started with me deciding to uncross my legs but then deciding half way through not to bother.

"Your CV reads like a nightmare," he said, and then stopped to stare at me for a response.

"Yes," I said, for the lack of any other response.

"You've had too many jobs."


"Nobody will want to employ you."


"But!" he said, suddenly seized by an enthusiasm that seemed to take us both by complete surprise, "I might have someone who is desperate enough to consider you."

"Right," I said.


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