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Dreadful Nonsense

"I've read your blog. it's really funny. you should write a column." - Jon Ronson

The difference between writing a blog on a daily basis, on a computer with broadband access, and during a time in your life where you have little better to do, and writing a blog on a semi-regular basis, on your work computer while relying on someone in another country to post up entries when your work firewall blocks access (thank you Mrs Bishop!), and during a time in your life where you barely have time to sit down for five minutes and you haven't watched a tv programme that wasn't on a dvd for about three months, suddenly struck me today when for the first time in about six months I checked my site trackers.

When I was living in Dublin this is something I used to do nearly every day, mainly to keep up to date on who was reading me and from where, but also as a vanity project, to see who linked to me, and if they'd said anything unnecessarily lovely about me. I've never found a bad word said about me, and I think this may well be because the site trackers I use are nonsense as opposed to being due to the fact that no bad words have been said about me; then again, I don't for a moment entertain the thought that I'm in any way important enough to have caused the slightest ripple in the blogosphere.

But the idea of blogging, the nature of blogging, the existence of blog culture, of blogging communities, of blogger identities and the whole point of blogging is something that I know for a darned factI will be discussing quite often for the next few months, due to something I can't possibly pass comment on at the moment. This something is also the reason I've been drunk on champagne not once but twice in the last week.

I'm digressing though. The point is, I've not done a crazy referrers round up for a while, so here are my top five favourite search engine phrases that pointed people in the general direction of my blog.

1. "gaping anus of christ"
Not my phrase, of course, but that of Stewart Graham Lee. I do love that there are only eight google entries in total for this phrase. There really should be more, and at least one of them should really not have the single tiniest reference to Stewart Lee. I shall endeavour to progress this cause. I may even make t-shirts.

2. "dirty carols"
I don't know any dirty carols. Well, I don't know any dirty Christmas carols. I do know one lady called Carol who is a filthy tramp, and will do anything down a back alley for a quick tenner (hello Carol!). I therefore don't know why this search points to me, because my work firewall won't show me the links page.

3. "geekiest room"
A phrase I used in 2004 in reference to the room we sat in and watched the last four brilliant episodes of the final brilliant series of Angel shown side by side with the rubbish last four episodes of the rubbish Smallville like anyone in the world cared at all. I stand by that: I have yet to be in a geekier room, and I'm a big old geek who knows a lot of big old geeks.

4. "recurring STDs"
It is now my proudest moment, to know that if you put in an inverted commas search on google for "recurring STDs" that my website is the 5th one listed. The fifth in all the world. Well goodness me. Somebody hand me a trophy. And some wet wipes.

5. "flight attendant lesbo trousers"
Good. I don't know where this goes to on my site because, again, the firewall has blocked it. But I'm curious to know when I've used that phrase before. Perhaps you could let me know in the comments. Many thanks.


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