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Dreadful Nonsense

"I've read your blog. it's really funny. you should write a column." - Jon Ronson

I'm going to watch the Ireland match tonight in the pub that at the moment holds an even record of wins and losses for Ireland. I haven't worked out if it's a lucky pub yet, but I think tonight's match will be the decider.

Now, I would never claim to be an expert on these things, but after reading a lot of coverage of tonight's match, as far as I can tell, what we need to happen is:
- We need Cyprus to beat France
- We need Switzerland to field a team that consists of 4 players and 7 schoolchildren
- We need those four players to fall asleep mid field five minutes into the match

The things that are acting against us include:
- Duff and Keane being injured (I'm regularly reminding He Who Only... that it was during a Liverpool match that Keane was injured. If we lose tonight, oh, he's in for a whole world of pain)
- The other Keane being useless for some reason
- O'Shea having those secret photos of Kerr that guarantee him a place on the team despite his previous performances

I will be wearing green, drinking Guiness, praying and swearing in equal measure and desperately texting Mrs Bishop for support during the desperate hours. She has informed me that Uri Geller will be hovering over Landsdowne Road for the duration, sending out "good vibes". Worked well for Exeter City, after all.

Oh God.


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