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Dreadful Nonsense

"I've read your blog. it's really funny. you should write a column." - Jon Ronson

We all sit in this open plan office, in my glorious work place that I wouldn’t ever dare to criticise, and particularly make pains not to identify, and this open plan office is alternatively hot and cold thanks to disruption with the air conditioning. The air conditioning was such a major bonus during the summer heatwaves that I was quite committed to stay here forever, even though I find this job, like every job I’ve ever had before it, stiflingly boring to the point of suicide. However, it’s all gone a bit awkward now.

Thanks to the hot/cold/hot nature of the air conditioning in this, the lovely open plan office where we’re all sitting very closely together, over 100 of us on the same floor, we’ve all got a cold. ALL. OF. US. Variations on a theme – we sat today comparing symptoms. Some started with a vague feeling of unwellness. Some started with headaches, swiftly followed by runny noses. I’ve apparently taken the light-headed-followed-by-sore-throat route, which is a slow burner, but I’m promised leads to aching limbs and a wave of ick followed by the blocked sinuses and traditional accessories of your average and deeply common cold.

This all comes less than two weeks after I’d started a brand new vitamin taking regime, thanks to a 3for2 at Boots that I couldn’t resist, cos the little pill bottles are such lovely bright colours, and they all promise such miraculous cures. I’m taking the yellow box for hormones and hair, the red box for general well being, the green box for skin and the orange box for hair and nails. The red box is obviously at fault. Today, when I announced that my sore throat had escalated from “nagging” to “painful”, I was immediately handed some vitamin c to chew, followed by extract of Echinacea. I think the only thing for it is to crawl into bed in pygamas tonight upon arrival home, and spend the evening eating porridge.

Not that those were my plans already. Oh no.


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