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Dreadful Nonsense

"I've read your blog. it's really funny. you should write a column." - Jon Ronson

The Attack of the Recruitment Agents continues…

Yesterday, I went for a job interview in my lunch break, which turned out to be not so much a job interview and more of a computer skills test. Which was fine, but when you’ve spent all morning reading up on the best answers to “what qualities can you bring to the team?” and “why did you leave your last job?”, it’s a bit annoying to be left in a room on your own answering Word related questions when all you want to do is tell them what a team player you are, and how you’re also able to work on your own initiative, and prefer a active and hectic working environment.

Hello, my name is Shazzle, and I lie to busy professionals on a daily basis.

Anyway, when I got back to the office and got some feedback about my performance, apparently I’d done very well on the computer test – so well that they wanted to offer me a second interview (not that I’d had a first interview) – but that they were worried about my “scruffy” appearance, and wondered if I owned a suit or two?

I wouldn’t usually balk at being described as “scruffy” – scruffy is my fashion style of choice – but yesterday I’d gone to extra effort to look smart (or “suited and booted” as the recruitment agent kept repeatedly and hilariously saying down the phone) in spite of the sweltering London heat. Even though I wore a skirt in to work, I decided that wasn’t smart enough for an interview and dragged some trousers in with me as well. I also had a top which was hastily torn off me while on the tube for fear of dying and hastily re-applied outside the building where the interview took place with little regard to the heat (oh the heat!) of the day.

But apparently this wasn’t good enough for Mr Big Business City Law Firm, who have demanded (according to the recruitment agency) that I wear a suit in for the second interview. A suit. Sure. In over 30 degrees of heatwave? Certainly. Why the heck not. I’ve always found that fainting from heat exhaustion midway through an interview makes a good impression.

Oh, I’m so bored of all of this again. I hate sitting like an idiot grinning at people while we all lie to each other – me about how interested I am in working for whatever company I’m grinning at, and them about how interesting my job is, what potential there is and how easy going the department is. The job? Never interesting. The potential? None. Easy Going Department? Never, ever, ever.

So I know they’re lying, they know I’m lying, why must we do all this lying while dressed up all smart? I for one would find lying so much easier in some casual slacks and a more comfortable vest top in this kind of temperature.

The ridiculousness of my situation continues with the thought that this weekend I’m going to have to go in to town to buy a suit (which I can’t afford to buy because I don’t have a job) in order to get a job that I hate to which to wear the suit that I can’t afford.

Roll on September. I feel that September is going to be an easier month to cope with, don’t ask me why.

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