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Dreadful Nonsense

"I've read your blog. it's really funny. you should write a column." - Jon Ronson

Last night myself and Mrs Bishop were lying in bed watching pornography. We were having a sleep over having had a Dr Who mini-festival, gorging ourselves on every episode shown so far of the current series, as Mrs Bishop has been a bit lax in her Ecclestoning, and I’m more than happy to watch them over and over again, apparently irritating my viewing companions by constantly exclaiming about what’s coming next (Sorry, Mrs Bishop).

But eventually the Who Fest had to end, and we found ourselves making our own entertainment. Having flicked through the fourteen other channels on offer, Mrs Bishop settled on the pornography lightly disguised as documentary, or E4 as it’s more commonly known. We watched for a few minutes, and talk soon turned, as it always inevitably does in these situations, to the adult licensing laws in Ireland, and whether or not pornography (hard- and soft-core) is now legal in Ireland, or whether the policing of said pornography has just become more relaxed. Having come to no conclusion, we turned back to the porn, at the moment where a lady and a gentleman were having sex in the back seat of a car while another lady sat in the front seat and, ahem, egged them on. Conversation at that point, naturally, centred on what said ladies were wearing.

During the ad break, I thought I recognised the voice telling us about a new kind of life insurance to be a mutual friend of ours, and having debated it throughout a scene in which some ladies were dancing about with no actual clothes on, I was thrilled (having sent off an urgent text message to said mutual friend) to prove Mrs Bishop wrong. Having been brow beaten with this irrevocable proof, Mrs Bishop was quiet for a while, and we considered the scene involving dildos and butt plugs in companionable silence.

“I’m not sure,” I said to Mrs Bishop moments later, as we exclaimed in delight at the pretty tattoo another lady had on her bottom, “that we’re doing this right.”

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