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Dreadful Nonsense

"I've read your blog. it's really funny. you should write a column." - Jon Ronson

I've had a sort-of cold ever since waking up Sunday beside Mrs Bishop. Of course, waking up next to Mrs Bishop is enough to give anyone the lurgy (Hello Mrs Bishop!), but I'm not sure she's the source of my kind-of illness.

The not-really-a-cold symptoms include a bit of a sore throat, a cough that sounds like I'm trying to discreetly get someone's attention, a not really blocked nose that just gives me more of an English accent than ever, and a mild feeling not being very well at all. Along with all of this, I've had this surreal feeling of euphoria for most of the week. I've also been taking a lot of cold and flu remedies to try and shake it off, and I attribute the euphoric feelings directly to them. Cold and flu remedies are brilliant.

This amiable giddiness follows me around all day, and I've had a great week as a result, even though I'm a bit under the weather. Even listening to Tom McRae's brilliant new album hasn't managed to make me want to kill myself at any point, and that's rare in a McRae album.

The only draw back, then, with this not-really-an-illness-at-all that I have is that from about 1.30am to 3.00am I am the sickest most unwell person in the entire universe. Same thing happens for about an hour after I wake up. Everything is all hell. My lungs are on fire. My head hurts. I pulled a muscle coughing IN MY SLEEP on Monday. I don't know my own name and I'm not sure why there's a jack russell eating my hand. I've had to get out of bed to take tablets that I can barely swallow every night this week, and have come close to writing my own eulogy and laying down to die with pennies over my eyes, that's how awful I've felt. And then, about an hour after waking up, I'm all fine again. Example: I've spent the most part of today walking dancing around the house on the tips of my toes pretending to be a ballerina.

I'm ill enough to justify over the counter medication, but not too ill that being a pretty ballerina all day isn't entirely out of the question. It's perfect.


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