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Dreadful Nonsense

"I've read your blog. it's really funny. you should write a column." - Jon Ronson

Unasked / unanswered questions for today:

1. To the woman sitting beside me on the bus on the way in to work: Why did you wave at the Aircoach when it was driving past us in Donnybrook? You started waving when it was pulled up beside us, and continued to wave at it while it pulled out and drove off ahead of us. No one on the coach could see you, because we were sitting downstairs. You were essentially waving at the luggage. But you seemed perfectly happy to continue waving until the bus was two cars ahead of us. Then you settled back down as if nothing had happened. Why did you do that?

2. To the bloke who got off the bus at UCD: Why did you stare in the bus window at me for at least 10 seconds after you got off the bus? I returned your stare for as long as I could stand it (about 4 seconds), looked away (about 3 seconds) and looked back again, and there you were, still standing stock still and staring right at me, your nose barely inches from the window. Did you think you knew me? Because you don’t. Were you trying to freak me out? Because you did.

3. To the woman who got on the bus with me and got off on Leeson Street: Who told you wearing that jacket was a good idea? It’s white – first mistake. It’s cropped – second mistake. You’re old – third mistake. It’s got grey printed pictures of husky dogs on it – fourth mistake. It makes you look a bit mental. That and the way you smoke cigarettes – when no one can see the brown of the filter anymore, the cigarette is being put TOO FAR IN TO YOUR MOUTH. It’s vile, looking at people dribbling down their fags. But the jacket? Has got to go, lady. I know it matches the commemorative plates you order from the back of Sunday newspaper magazines and hang all around the house to frighten your grandchildren, but at least you don’t wear them out in public.


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