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Dreadful Nonsense

"I've read your blog. it's really funny. you should write a column." - Jon Ronson

One of the ladies of our sewing circle is leaving us for a brief while to go to re-visit the land of her birth and try to remind herself of what warmth and sunlight and culture feels like having spent too long a time in Dun Laoghaire. We mourned her passing last night in a pub in town, which is the Irish tradition, and got on to the subject of boys, which is our sewing circle tradition.

Oh, sure, we talked politics and literature and had a brief discussion about the latest medical and scientific breakthroughs, and there may even have been mention of Michael Jackson somewhere along the line, but eventually and inevitably our attention was turned to talking about boys. Of our circle, I don't think I'm betraying any confidences if I indicate to you the state of play at beginning of the night: one of us is happily involved with one gentleman, one of us has recently become disengaged from her former gentleman, one of us spent last weekend hurling abuse down the phone to a gentleman and has subsequently had no contact, and one of us is currently juggling the attentions of three gentleman callers (I know. Three. I don't know where she gets the energy from).

The talk turned this way and that, and at one point I have a memory of one of the main players leaning across the table and yelling at a volume not dissimilar to a jumbo jet taking off that "...this stimulates the PROSTATE GLAND you see..." and there was another story involving the fitting of a contraceptive device with talk of stitches and cutting and numbing injections and I never need to hear the phrase "clipping it to the mouth of the cervix" again. The final story of the night that had us all sitting about nodding wisely, rolling eyes and shaking heads (all at the same time) was the recent discovery by one of the circle that her mother had in fact been taking the contraceptive pill the month she was conceived. She was, as she so delicately put it, only present here today thanks to a bout of diarrhoea.

And we look like such nice girls, too.

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