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Dreadful Nonsense

"I've read your blog. it's really funny. you should write a column." - Jon Ronson

Things I learned today:

1. Starting your day with a funeral is not an ideal way to begin any day, regardless of your relationship with the deceased, or the circumstances of their death.
2. There is no sadder sight in the world than the vicar wiping away tears while delivering the final blessing of the services.
3. It is not a good idea to follow a breakfast of two strong black coffees and a cigarette with a pint of Guinness, no matter how sensible or appealing it appears at the time.
4. Never assume there will be vegetarian food available to sober you up before going in to work. There won't be.
5. No matter how bad a day you're having, never swear out loud in what you assume to be an empty office - there will be a senior solicitor lurking around every corner to hear your profane utterances.
6. The "I don't give a shit" attitude is not a winning one.
7. Muttering "Jesus Fucking Christ" quietly but audibly will not make people get out of your way on a Friday night in Temple Bar.
8. Having a bitch of a day and horribly missing your boyfriend is not a good enough reason to smoke four cigarettes in a row.
9. If you have the habit of empathising too much with the lead characters of novels, stop reading books by the brilliant Patrick Gale. This will lead to no good.
10. Take every opportunity to talk to your elderly relatives while you have the chance, so that you're not left with an empty rage and frustration that you never knew them.

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