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Dreadful Nonsense

"I've read your blog. it's really funny. you should write a column." - Jon Ronson

I woke up this morning and decided that it was Summer. I'm bored waiting for warm weather to arrive, it's taking far too long for my liking, so I've decided to speed it along by acting to all intents and purposes as though it is already here.

Summer's here! School's finished, the grass is long, green, and being constantly mowed by middle aged men wearing ill advised shorts and sock/sandal combinations. Summer's here! There are wasps and bees around every corner, and ice pops are drastically more expensive and at the same time smaller than you remember them being before. Summer's here! Everyone at work is wearing short tops and skirts - including the boys - and you can't remember what shoes you used to wear to work before you bought the boots that are now too hot to wear all day long. Summer's here! You can leave the house without a coat and scarf and gloves and a hat and extra coats and three pairs of socks and you have to remember to start shaving your legs again - including the boys. Summer's here! Sitting and drinking in beer gardens is pleasant once more, and not just a necessary evil so that you can have a smoke with your drink. Summer's here! The fan on your office desk is giving you a permanent wind-swept-Jessica-Simpson-in-a-photo-shoot look to your hair, which is frankly fabulous. Summer's here! Walking in the sea is once again a happy time, and your feet won't turn blue and fall off (unless you're walking in the sea in Dublin, in which case they'll turn black and fall off, but that's not due to the temperature, it's due to pollution). Summer's here! Long late night walks staring up at the stars walking hand in hand with your best girl/guy does not consist of shivering and stomping your feet and crying because your head hurts as it's so cold. Summer's here! You're no longer the palest person in the world, because at the first sight of the summer sun, your skin did handstands and popped out freckles like they were going out of fashion. Summer's here! Freckles are NOT going out of fashion.

It's the Summer!

It's not working, is it? Ten minutes after I made the decision to treat the day like it was summer, it started raining. That special rain that only winter can produce. Not exactly falling from the sky, but more kind of descending and then hanging about, all the better to properly and completely soak you through to the skin. It's already getting dark outside. It's freezing cold. Winter sucks.


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