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Dreadful Nonsense

"I've read your blog. it's really funny. you should write a column." - Jon Ronson

Last Friday, I went for a job interview. I felt that, although the job would really suit me down to the ground, there was no way I'd get it, because I'd made the stupid mistake of being quite open and honest with the man that was interviewing me.

I'd been warned by the recruitment agency - the one recruitment agency out of all of the agencies I joined that actually paid any attention to what I said, and therefore I praise and highly recommend the Caldwell Meghen recruitment agency - that this man would be asking a LOT of questions based on my CV, and to be ready and willing with positive reasons for bailing out of each and every job I've had during my sorry (and short, don't forget I'm still terribly young) life thus far. Although I've previously noted this problem right here in the past week, since I had warning for it I managed to cobble together some pretty convincing half-truths about ambition and time for a change, and even told one downright lie, but only on the spur of the moment and it didn't hurt anyone, so it's not really a sin and no harm done. The only stumbling block I found was when he asked me why the fuck (not his words, mine) I hadn't worked for the last year.

I explained that falling down flights of stairs, although not something I do on a regular basis, was a feature of my recent past, and as a result of this I hadn't been doing a lot of working, or walking, or sitting down or standing up, or socialising or anything for 6 of the last 12 months. I didn't mention the fact that since my second epidural in July, I've been more active and sociable (and pretty much happier) than at any time in my life before now, but just too lazy to get work.

Although they wouldn't be able to say that they didn't give me the job due to my "disability", his eyes seemed to glaze over, and he said that he'd wait to see my references before making a final decision, and then gave the old line about having to interview other people for the position. I nodded, and chalked it up to another interview that didn't result in me getting the goods. I was miffed, truth be told, cos this ridiculous job with ridiculous working hours would have really suited me, but fine and dandy. There must be something out there for me.

But today. Today, ladies, gents - I got the job. I start tomorrow. Tomorrow! Allah be praised.

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