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Dreadful Nonsense

"I've read your blog. it's really funny. you should write a column." - Jon Ronson

I've recently been receiving a lot of unsolicited and unwelcomed phone calls. Sure, they all started off friendly enough, and they all seemed to know a lot about me, but weren't willing to share that much information about themselves. Then it all started to get a bit weird and aggressive, and now I'm afraid to answer my phone if I don't recognise the number, because I know it will be another one of them, and they frighten me. They frighten me a lot. I've been hiding under my duvet most of the day sobbing. Somebody help me.

I've started job hunting again, and the employment agencies have heard. I made the mistake of going on to the admittedly excellent Nixers site and saw some jobs that caught my eye. The site is really easy to use, and once you've written your initial cover letter you don't really have to add anything else to the throw. Which means you end up hurling your CV out to anyone and everyone that catches your eye.

What I didn't realise, or at least didn't think through, was the fact that most of the people receiving my CV, which includes my mobile number and email address (I am that stupid), would be recruitment agencies. Persistent recruitment agencies. Agencies now desperate for clients, because it's January and nobody looks for a new job in January because nobody quits their job in the run up to Christmas.

They quite literally haven't stopped calling. They call, I ignore them, they call again, I ignore them, they change their number or hide their number or make their number look like it could possibly be a UK number, and then I have to answer on the off chance that it's HWORTBTSIHM (see, you've been mentioned again) ringing. And then they trick me.

They talk to me really nicely, and say that they have jobs for me, great jobs, jobs that involve no working and tons of pay, and free chocolate and sweets and crisps and puppies and toys and new clothes and shoes, and they make me go in for interviews with them and then they make me type and say what a clever girl I am and then offer me jobs doing filing for Microsoft or working in banks for no money at all, and it makes me sad and want to crawl back under my duvet again.

I hate job hunting. I hate interviewing for jobs. I hate wearing interview clothes for job hunting, I hate traveling all the way in to town to say things to people I could have said over the phone but most of all I HATE RECRUITMENT AGENCIES. THEY ARE THE WORK OF SATAN.

I feel better now. Thanks.


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