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Dreadful Nonsense

"I've read your blog. it's really funny. you should write a column." - Jon Ronson

Through some strange twist of fate, I found myself Christmas shopping today with Little Sister Louise. This is strange for me, because a week ago, I made a declaration to friends and family that I would not be purchasing Christmas presents for people, due to the fact that I'm stony cold broke, and can't afford to spend money on myself, let alone other less worthy people.

But Little Sister Louise had other ideas, and bright and early this morning two over excited and very wide awake jack russells were set upon me in the most undignified of ways, apparently in order to tip me out of the lovely warm cosy bed I was happily curled up in. I managed to persuade one of the jack russells (Kesh) to join me in the land of lovely warm cosy beds, and the other jack russell (Bobby) very quickly got bored and left to go chew something somewhere else. However, Little Sister Louise had other tricks up her sleeves, and eventually I found myself half awake and half dressed, curled up in a ball in the passenger seat driving towards Liffey Valley Shopping Centre for no reason other than the fact that she didn't want to go it alone.

Little Sister Louise hates shopping just as much as I do. Oh, sure, we could spend hours and millions buying things for ourselves - the fun would never end! - but we both go glass-eyed and staring after approximately 5 minutes when faced with a list of people we once called friends but now hate with a passion usually only reserved for co-workers. Presents! It's impossible to buy presents! Who came up with this stupid tradition? If I could spend the amount of money I'm spending on other people on myself, why, I'd have a heck of a lot of Angel on DVD round about now. And that, good people, would make me one happy bunny.

We tramped down through the shops and Little Sister Louise managed to make heavy inroads in to her long, long, long list of people that she knows and loves. Thankfully, I'm not as kind spirited, sociable or generous as Little Sister Louise, and so my list is infinitely shorter than hers. We did keep getting distracted by shoe shops - Little Sister Louise tried on a particularly exquisite pair of boots that cost over ?250 just to have had them on her feet - but when we eventually got to the end of the long line of shops we about turned and treated ourselves to some chocolate based coffee beverages as a reward for a job well done.

Today, bearing in mind that I've got no money at all, I bought:
- Lady make up for me because I am a lady.
- Insoles for my shoes because I am a lady with less than sensible shoes.
- Lady accessories that stops lady clothes falling down (otherwise known as 'tit tape' but sssh, that's not the kind of thing a lady would say).
- Some presents for Little Sister Edel.
- A CD for my cousin to give to someone else, because I am a kind, caring and sharing kind of lady.
- A CD for another cousin to whom I owe so much more than just a lousy CD. This isn't a lousy CD though, so it's okay.

In short - more for me than anyone else.

I also felt it would be appropriate at this juncture to buy some more plane journeys while striking the hot iron and building up my credit card to massively inappropriate levels. It's fun to be in huge, scary, towering debt, kids! Learn from me! Who can spell "repossession"?

This entry was posted on 15 December 2004 at 9:20 pm. 0 comments

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