Dreadful Nonsense

We were talking last night about what a powerful weapon the "ignore" is. It's a weapon most often used by ladies in the middle of fighting with someone, usually another lady. The "ignore" is most effectively used in relation to phone calls, emails and text message - never return a phone call, don't answer emails, fail to respond to text messages, and quite soon the other person will be reduced to such a quaking wreck of a person they'll be so relieved and grateful to finally hear from you that they'll accept the blame for the entirety of the problem that prompted the deployment of the "ignore" in the first place. It can also be quite effectively used in person, when you turn away from the approach of another, and for good measure pretend to be talking about them to a third party while smirking as if you've made a valid point, which quite often you haven't.

I honestly remember the first time I ever heard the phrase "give them the cold shoulder". We were sitting under the trees outside the convent, opposite my secondary school. We were a big group together, not cool enough to be smoking, but cooler than those who still used their lunch break to eat their lunch. We lounged. That's how kind-of-cool we were. The middle ground of cool. Boys used to pass through the school grounds if they were feeling brave enough, usually on bikes and in groups of twos or threes. They'd stare at us, we'd stare at them, they'd pass through, we'd gossip about them until the next group came along. And so the hour passed.

One day during the lounging, a group of boys were approaching, this time on foot. One girl - I think her name was Ruth, but I also think that's wrong - urged us all to give them the cold shoulder, and I remember thinking what a cool turn of phrase it was, and also how utterly utterly pointless. We ignored them, staring at our feet, they passed by without making any comment, we continued to talk about them for the rest of the lunch hour, even though other boys passed by. I'm sure ignoring that boy did absolutely nothing for NotRuth's chance of eventually kissing him, because I'm sure that was why we were all to ignore him in the first place.

Thing is, powerful or not, evoking negative and destructive responses as it does, it doesn't work on me long term. I just get bored. My attention span for this kind of thing doesn't run past a week. The "ignore" is right up there in terms of pointlessness with the teenage stomp off and sulk - it gets you nowhere. You never get to resolve anything. Nothing will ever be discussed. No apologies, if apologies are necessary, can be made. The problem will not go away just because you've turned your back to it. And one day, when you're least prepared for it, it'll come right back and slap you in the face with regret and disappointment, and you'll wish you'd maybe taken the time out to talk about it, rather than leaving it to fester. I just don't understand the psychology behind the "ignore", but then again I'm from a shouting and swearing family that expresses its emotions right off the bat rather than bottling them up.

And yes, this message is really only meant for one person. Do feel free to ignore it.

This entry was posted on 22 November 2004 at 2:51 pm. 0 comments

Dreadful Nonsense

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