Dreadful Nonsense

Yay! Big Brother! So excited!

Bit too interested in this show, I have to admit. I was out last night, at the taping of a comedy DVD that will be released, we were assured by the Tristram producing it, in time for Christmas. They were desperate to have me on it, you understand. So desperate in fact that instead of shoving the camera in our faces, the camera man kept shoving his arse in our faces, while trying to get what I would assume were low, moody, arty shots of the stage and the lovely Dylan Moran waving around a glass full of water pretending it was wine.

But since I was out, I had the Big Brother opening ceremony recorded, so that I could watch the housemategimps get out of cars and walk in to a house. And so that I could fastforward all the bits of Strange Oirish Dermot telling us what kind of biscuits the housemategimps think they are, and showing us bits of their chest hair. It was really interesting listening to Davina read out their profiles and watch their audition tape while they preened through the crowds, because it's obvious that this year the producers have gone in a completely different direction. Last year it was like 'These two might rub each other up the wrong way! That might be amusing!' and this year it's more 'Let's stick six alpha males in a tiny room and see who lives to see the last week'. They do all seem a little like pepped up versions of previous housemategimps - Kitten being what they thought Anna ex-nun might have been, Marco being Brian with a caffeine enema, Emma being Jade and Helen but without the intellect or insight etc.

The ever glorious Redking has described them all so much better than I could.

"An utterly camp high-pitched anti-refugee gay man, a homophobic Muslim former refugee from Somalia, a ex-army air steward gym-freak in a leopardskin thong, a militant feminist vegetarian Trotskyite jarvis-cocker-esque lesbian, a 6ft bald gay man in a trilby who only sleeps with straights, a porn-loving bisexual slag from Newcastle, a Portuguese post-operative transsexual virgin, a ridiculously arrogant vaguely attractive psychology student in a hair band, a buck-toothed Jade-like new age spiritualist yokel, an upper class posh bird who likes Glaswegian architecture, an alpha male token black character, and your bog standard attractive blondey sort."

After watching the live stream for a bit, I popped a valium and went to sleep. It was all I could do to stop my ears from bleeding after listening to Emma for more than two minutes.

Imagine my distress when I woke up this morning, turned on E4, and I could remember all of their names! Except the girls, apart from Kitten and Emma. Both of whom I'm going to shoot through the eyes with arrows. I can't decide who I want to win, but am absolutely certain which ones I'd make voodoo dolls of. And Stuart is top of the list.

This entry was posted on 29 May 2004 at 11:29 pm. 0 comments

Dreadful Nonsense

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