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Dreadful Nonsense

"I've read your blog. it's really funny. you should write a column." - Jon Ronson

Well, thank God for that. Back where there is traffic, street lighting, people living within screaming distance, television, steady radio signals, steady mobile phone signals, the internet, E4, Sky One, people that aren't related to me in some way, and lovely, tasty, chewy air pollution. It's good to be back in Dublin. Much and all as I'd like to be 'at one' with nature and be able to go back to the wilderness and live off berries and shrubs and possibly grubs if I got hungry enough, there isn't sufficient money in the world that would persuade me to live somewhere that, once the sun goes down, you don't see a damn thing until morning. I mean, without the light coming out through the house windows, you can't see anything at all outside the cottage, no matter how long you stand outside there or how long you give your eyes to adjust. Sure, something seems to get through after a while, but that just gives your mind the ability to see weird boogie men creeping up past the bushes, and produces images from the rustle of the leaves that can only possibly be vampires or rapists or terrorists or mentalists, and who is going to hear you, here, where there are no neighbours and no mobile signals and nowhere to run? And lord help you if a cow chooses that moment to go for a wander near where you're standing.

I like the light pollution of the cities. I like that stars are something you see on telly and in magazines and not in the sky. I like that when you are outdoors, you can see everything as clear as day. And sure, there are a lot more rapists, terrorists and mentalists (and probably vampires too) in the city than in the countryside, but at least there are also mobile phone signals, cyber cafes and understandable accents.

I'm going to update the blog below, assigning each entry to the day on which it should have been published. You have been warned.

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