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Dreadful Nonsense

"I've read your blog. it's really funny. you should write a column." - Jon Ronson

We went for a long walk on the beach today, because both of our labradors Honey and Butler like walking in water, and Butler loves chasing things in to the sea so that he can rescue them and then abandon them beside the car on the way home. We went to the beach we used to spend full days on during the summer when we were kids, damming up rivers, climbing rocks, swimming in the sea, making sandcastles and having "quiet time", something my parents used to insist on for a hour after lunch, which I now see was just an excuse to get us to shut the hell up for a while.

On the way down towards the sea, at the start of the walk, Honey was poddling along happily in the fresh water stream that runs down the beach and joins the sea at the bottom. Butler was rushing on ahead, and me and Honey were trailing behind everyone else, because her back legs don't work very well, and I like to keep an eye on her incase her legs give way and she gets stuck. I saw Butler struggling slightly against the sand which is quite soft at points and tends to pull you down a little, and I was just thinking to myself that it would probably be a good idea to call Honey out of the stream until the ground was a bit more solid up ahead when she suddenly sat down and started to whine.

The poor old thing was sinking.

I walked out towards her, as the water was only at around ankle level and I have no respect for my shoes or socks. I started to pull at her collar to help her get back up when I realised the extent of the difficultly she was facing. I had started sinking too.

My immediate reaction was of course to start laughing and get my mother over to give me a hand out. I was standing with my feet planted apart, Honey's collar in my left hand and my right hand stretched out with my Mum trying to drag us both out without stepping in to the stream herself. It was only afterwards, thinking back on it, that I realised that at this angle in the normal course of things I'd be screaming in agony, because my back just doesn't twist that way anymore. But at the time I didn't feel a thing, because at this moment I was really only concerned with keeping Honey's head over the water.

We quickly got her out, with my dropping one knee down in to the water to get more leverage and then just dragging the terrified, breathless dog out with sheer force and determination. We laughed at the state of my jeans, the fact that my shoes were destroyed and the bemused look on Honey's face, picked up her back legs for her and carried on on our walk.

It really only was that night when I closed my eyes in the pitch black and tried to go to sleep that I started having really horrible thoughts about what might have happened, and I couldn't shake off the feeling that I was sinking and that I couldn't breathe. Happily, the stupidly unpredictable text messages Gods were smiling down on me, and some texts from JC got through the mountains to distract me with talk of his night out. I still had to get out of bed and make sure Honey was okay before I could settle down. She was, so I did.

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