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Dreadful Nonsense

"I've read your blog. it's really funny. you should write a column." - Jon Ronson

I've been trying to add comments to the page, so that bored people at work can leave sarcastic little messages, but I think the template that I'm using has been set up in such a way as to completely confuse anyone who wants to do more than merely add to lists of links. Something to do with layers that I can't work out - when I tried to fiddle with it slightly, I ended up destroying the code that makes the blogger ads disappear, so I'm not going to argue any more. You'll just have to start using the nifty "email me" button I put on the side instead, working people, and risk the wrath of your bosses when they infiltrate your filthy common non-work related emailing. But you can send my anything, my worthy readers, so you could just disguise your love for me in the form of work speak, like what my friend D does when she's calling me.

We have a system, me and D, had it for years and years, since the days when she lived at home and her mother used to pick up the extension and listen in on our conversations. We got wise to that quite quickly, me and D, because we are quite bright people, and also because a lot of the time her mother would start joining in the conversations we were having. Which helped clue us in.

What we used to do was immediately start talking about the weather, if we thought that someone else was listening in. Sudden comments about the amount of rain we've been having, or how strong the wind was last night would take us far, far away from the discussions of boys and how we were going to bunk off our crappy tennis lessons. This is, of course, easily seen through and also frowned upon at work, where you don't usually have lengthy conversations about the weather with clients or colleagues (unlessing, of course, that you work as a meteorologist).

So me and D have a new system. When she calls me from work, we have exactly the same conversations that we would have outside of work, but she throws in some "wheretofore"s and "thereafter"s and - our extra favourite - "as per"s that instantly fool people in to believing that she's actually on an important business call to Japan. It's amazing we're both still employed, you're thinking. Well, no, it's not. Because at the moment we are both "between jobs". As per.

This entry was posted on 27 March 2004 at 12:17 am. 0 comments

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