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Dreadful Nonsense

"I've read your blog. it's really funny. you should write a column." - Jon Ronson

friday five

You have just won one million dollars:

1. Who do you call first?
Whoever bought me the ticket, cos I don't enter the lottery, particularly not one in America, Australia, or any other countries from which the winnings would be dollars. I'd ring them to tell them they're not getting a red cent off of me, because it's mine all mine I tells ya hahahahahaha...

2. What is the first thing you buy for yourself?
I would buy myself some gold teeth, and about 16 dogs and a big house to live in with my 16 dogs and gold teeth. I'm not sure $1,000,000 would buy me that many gold teeth to go along with the house and the dogs. Although I could get 16 dogs for free from the pound, and then have some money left over for more gold teeth.

3. What is the first thing you buy for someone else?
I do not share. Sharon does not like to share.

4. Do you give any away? If yes, to whom?
If I actually did win the lottery, I wouldn't be just giving it away to people. Maybe I'd start receiving begging letters, and maybe I'd employ a lackey (or one of the 16 dogs) to open the post every morning and sort them in to piles of 'deserving', 'undeserving' and 'hilarious' and I would give some money (and maybe a gold tooth) to the best letter of the week every week until all my money and gold teeth ran out.

5. Do you invest any? If so, how?
I hear there's money to be made in gold teeth.

This entry was posted on 31 January 2004 at 12:26 pm. 0 comments

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