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Dreadful Nonsense

"I've read your blog. it's really funny. you should write a column." - Jon Ronson

Welcome back to the Sharon's Bad Back Chronicles. In case you've just joined us - Hello!

I went to see the good lady doctor today and she did all sorts of doctor things, like asking me questions I've answered a million times before, and then poking me in places that immensely hurt and writing it down when I start to cry.

She says, and I'm with her on this one, that surgery isn't particularly necessary just yet, because I'm ever so young. I am ever so young, you see. So damn young... So instead she's written me a repeat prescription for valium (first choice of the 70s housewife!) and told me to lie down for a week.

I have to be on total bed rest for a week. A full week. Seven days. And, when telling me how long I had to have "total bed rest" for, she used the phrase "at least". But I'm ignoring that last part. There is no "at least" about seven full, consecutive days of day time telly followed by night time telly, all viewed through the pretty glaze of a valium blur. I may go mad and start mutilating the cats while laughing hysterically. I may not. I've not decided yet.

She's also given me a sick cert for four weeks, which brings me nicely into January without lifting a finger at work. Obviously, they're going to sack my ass quicker than look at me, and although that does bring me minor sorrow, it brings me more than a touch of joy too - the lady that I was working for, you may have gathered from previous postings on the subject, was driving me a little around the bend and slightly up the wall, so I won't be too sorry to leave. I'm sure getting another job, even just a temp position, will be a merry nightmare, but again I'll traverse that bridge once I've hobbled up to it. And who knows what the heck might be happening come January time. I might be having one of those discectomies everyone's so keen to fucking tell me about.

Unfortunately when I left the office yesterday, I left my shoes there. Not sure how I'm going to get them back...

In short, I'll not be near a computer for round about week. So that should kerb my eBay habit if nothing else. You see? I can be positive! I can be breezy in the face of danger, destruction, despair and diazepam!

Sorry. I'll go now.


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