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Dreadful Nonsense

"I've read your blog. it's really funny. you should write a column." - Jon Ronson

This should be a clear indication of the levels I am now stooping to in order to continue breathing unaided while suffering from sheer boredom and desperation while temping… not only am I answering a Friday Five, I’m doing one about love. I’d rather do one about Dawson’s Creek.

1. How many times have you truly been in love?
Oh god, I don’t even want to answer these questions at all. Not even a tiny little bit. Never mind the fact that I’ve had a really crappy morning, with someone calling me three times just so that she could throw unnecessary and uncalled for abuse at me and generally destroy any good mood left over from having been asleep at some point last night. Faffing questions about love are so not my forte. But to answer the question, I think the only time in my life that I’ve ever been truly in love was when I was seven years old, and the object of my affection was Nik Kershaw.

2. What was/is so great about the person you love(d) the most?
I think it might have been the way that he wore his faded denim, and also the highlighted blonde mullet. I honestly don’t know what it was, really, but I still can’t hear ‘Wouldn’t It Be Good’ without getting a little tingly all over. And that’s true.

3. What qualities should a significant other have?
A blonde mullet, and the ability to go very bald very quickly, judging from the example above. And many credit cards for me to play with. And the ability to bugger off when I want them to.

4. Have you ever broken someone's heart?
No, but I think I’ve broken someone’s spirit. What a weekend that was.

5. If there was one thing you could teach people about love, what would it be?
What the hell kind of stupid question is that? There’s absolutely no way of answering that without sounding like Queenie from Blackadder.

There. That’s wasted another 5 minutes.


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