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Dreadful Nonsense

"I've read your blog. it's really funny. you should write a column." - Jon Ronson


I’m back at work two days. Both days, I’ve sworn I’m leaving after lunch, and when I get home, I’ve sworn I’m not going back the next day. But I think I’m still going to go in tomorrow, despite the fact that the pain in my back is steadily getting worse. My right foot is going numb. Every time I stand up it takes me longer to stand up straight. I can audibly hear my back – right up to the base of my neck – click back in to place. Touching the small of my back feels like it’s heavily bruised. I can’t sleep properly. I certainly can’t walk properly. I’m starting to lean over to the right all the time. I can’t concentrate on a single conversation or follow through a simple task. And when I called my GP to get an “emergency” appointment, they can’t see me until Thursday.

I can’t decide what to do. If I call in to work sick again, there’s a fair chance they’ll hold it against me when I ask for holidays off – I’ve already been refused a place on the first aid training course because it will take me away from the office for three days at the end of February. I’ve already bought two sets of tickets to see David Gray in Belgium and Holland. I can’t not go on this trip – it’ll break my heart.

If I don’t go back to the doctor I’ll have to trundle on the same as I have been. I’m afraid it’ll get worse. I’m afraid I’ve been misdiagnosed. I’ve never been x-rayed for my condition, and I’m afraid it’s something worse. I should just present myself at A&E and demand more attention. I should go to my GP and demand an appointment. I should really try to prioritise properly.

I can’t decide what to do.

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